I don’t know if I’ve written about my aversion towards children before. Well, now you know. I walked onto the train yesterday morning and out of ALL the cars on the train I pick the one containing a sea of 10 year-olds. I’m not exaggerating, there were at least 20 of them. Must have been a field trip. For some reason they felt the need to scream about everything we passed. As in, “LOOK! A GAS STATION! OHMIGOD! DUNKIN DONUTS!” I’m standing there like, where the hell did you kids come from, a third-world country? You’re on a train in Queens for goodness sake. 

Anyways, I’m standing there grimacing and trying not to roll my eyes every five seconds as one of the gremlins continuously kicks me from his seat. Then I feel a little hand on my ass as one of them tries to steady himself. Hello! That’s what the poles are for. That’s about the time the jaw-clenching and teeth-grinding began. Thank God they got off at Queensboro Plaza because there is no way in hell I (or my teeth) could have lasted until Grand Central with them.

Due to my aversion for these small people, I’ve always been convinced that I am going to be the crappiest mom ever. Fortunately, I discovered this site (via stickfigurelis.com) for some much needed tips and advice. Here’s a little sneak preview:

HAHAHA you have to see the rest. I’m sitting at work cracking up and thinking if I know any other not-necessarily-children-haters-but-definitely-don’t-like-them types to send it to.

mta, pets, rants | No Comments »

When you’re on the subway as much as I am, you see (and hear) a lot of “musicians.” To be fair, some people can actually play well; there’s a blind man who travels on the subway with his violin and he’s amazing. Then there are the people who continually fumble through one song over and over. (I.e. the guy in the 7 line corridor who only plays “When the Saints go Marching In.”)

What drives me nuts, though, is when you’re walking through a corridor (like the one to the 7 train or the one in Times Square) and you pass four different people playing four different instruments AND four different songs in only a 20 foot span.  AH! It makes me cringe and wish my ipod volume could turn up higher.

So, I’ve come up with a fantastic solution. It’s called “Making the Subway Band: Season One.” We gather up a bunch of subway musicians and discover their real talent. And, in the true American form, we turn it into a reality show! Every week a subway musician gets kicked off, but in the end there’s enough people left for a band! The band gets signed, their lives change, blah blah. The only caveat is the people who get kicked off have to sign a waver that says they will never return to the subway to play songs such as “When the Saints Go Marching In.”

A little harsh you say? Then perhaps your ears have never been privy to this daily experience that is mine.

mta, music, rants | 2 Comments »

Recently I’ve realized that people treat the subway like they’re in the privacy of their own home. They sing out loud along to their ipod as if they’re the next American Idol, when in reality they sound more like the American Idol rejects. I don’t understand why people feel the need to subject me to their tone-deafness.

Then there’s the eating. People sit down and begin to munch on food like they’ve just been seated in a restaurant. I’ve seen a variety of snacks – yogurt, apples, Popsicles. I try to be understanding like, they’ve been so busy throughout the day they haven’t had a chance to eat, or they have a medical condition that requires them to eat now. But when people pull out the Big Macs and fries and apple pies from McDonalds, I’m like, wtf you can’t wait until you get home? The most impressive (and annoying) was a guy who managed to eat soup and a sandwich (at the same time) while he stood on the train. He happened to be standing right next to me and all I could think was that his soup was inches from spilling on me.

Then there’s the sleeping. The only time I’ve come close to nodding off on the train was when I was on my way home after a night of drinking at 4 in the morning. I guess the reason the sleeping bothers me so much is because I always get stuck next to a sleeper on the train in the morning. Their heads nods to the side closer and closer to my shoulder and then jerk back up when the train comes to a stop. Sometimes the jerk up doesn’t happen and I’m stuck with someone passed out on my shoulder until I wiggle around enough that they wake up.

I’ve written before about people choosing to perform personal activities on the subway, but I felt the need to rant a little more. I sincerely hope I never have to experience people using the train as a toilet or for their sexual needs. I can only take so much.

food, mta, rants | 2 Comments »